Hidden secrets

As I was doing my journal I stumbled upon on a notification on my laptop which is "AUTOMATED" It beeped to me that she deleted some messages, and I wonder what those are? Oh wait, I know what those messages are. I think she's trying to hide secrets from me until now. You don't think I know everything? "YOU CALLED HER JUST SO YOU CAN SHARE HER YOUR SECRETS?" LOL I HEARD EVERYTHING, AND I AM GONNA WAIT UNTIL THE DAY YOU READ THIS AND ADMIT TO ME WHAT YOU TALKED ABOUT. You know, if you're gonna live a lie you're on the wrong person to be with. I don't like that kind of person and if you ever think that's okay for me, then you're ass is wrong.

Pakyu bitch ka

I love you ;*

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So unfair

So my girlfriend didn't allow me to go out on saturday, because she didn't want me to so I stayed and stayed loyal and faithful to my girl. By the time sunday arrives, she was invited by her "BESTFRIEND" who is a guy. Well, I know it's unusual to see a girl with a boyfriend and have a "BESTFRIEND" because, always it will conflict with the boyfriends mind what will they do when i'm not with them right?

What the fuck's with this girl anyway? Where did she even get the courage to tell me that on the same day that she'll go out with her MALE bestfriend. She said to me that she won't go out because she has no money, and guess what? Her bestfriend asked her out and she suddenly has money. While she can spend money on her bestfriend but not on our outing? What the actual fuck, and she'd let me spend money on the day of our outing where I am going to be included. This life is ruined, I don't even know what to do. Sometimes I feel like I am the victim of this world, I wanted to make everyone happy and make her happy, guess what? Her bestfriend makes her happy, and if that's what it makes her happy. I'll let her be. I hope she's happy. I told her that I will make her happy even if it takes my own, but now I feel like she's so selfish. She gets to do stuff while I stay here at home doing nothing at all, I deserved to be punished for the things I have done throughout the years and it seems that I really deserve what's coming to me.

Maybe one day, i'll find my happiness, somewhere down the road but i'm not hurrying up to get it.
She makes me happy more than anything else, but sometimes she makes me feel like I'm shit. I don't deserve to be happy, she does. I'm sorry if one day you'll find out about this and babasahin mo. Pero wala akong magagawa ito nalang ung tanging paraan para mailabas ko ung nararamdaman ko eh. Ayaw kong mawala ka, pero sana malaman mo ung limitasyon mo. Lalo't na alam mong ayaw ko sa mga kaibigan mong lalaki. Ako one week ako nagpaalam before kami lumabas, pero one day mo lang pinagisipan di buong week. Lahat binibigay ko sayo, LAHAT ng gusto mo. Pero ako kahit minsan isa sa mga gusto ko parang wala kang pinagtuunan ng pansin. Di ako nagagalit sayo pero bakit lagi mo nalang kailangan paramdam sakin na ganito? Unfair ka, lagi mo nalang ako tinetest, alam mo ng di mo ako pinapunta doon sa lakad namin tapos nakuwanan mo pang kumuwa ng lakas ng loob magpaalam dahil aalis ka. Sa susunod, kung ayaw mong gawin sayo, wag mong gagawin sa iba. Same day ka lang nagpaalam sakin na aalis ka. Between the hours pa nga ng paglabas niyo eh, tapos sa pagpapaalam mo alam mo ng sure ka na papayagan ka. Di ka man lang nagtanong kung masama loob ko. Sana naisip mo man lang ung nangyari sa paalam ko. Sa tuwing ikaw nalang nagpapaalam nakakalimutan mo na ung mga previous na pangyayari kundi wala kang magawa pero sumama sa napaka mahal mong "BESTFRIEND"

Going to the beach

Yes

after a long time studying and doing nothing but reading modules and stuff, I got a 2 month vacation! After june 4th let's say I was nervous about my grades a little bit. So now, I am happy that I got high marks in my final exams and the results of my final grades were awesome.

I actually told my mom about it, but damn, she only gave a thumbs up on messenger lol! Anyways, i've been planning this beach thing with the help of my girlfriend, actually right now she's with his bestfriend. The two of them together, I only knew they were the ones together when it was time for her to go home, sad to say I think I am always left alone. I'm glad that she's happy having his bestfriend around, she actually knows I get jealous because of the intimate stuff they have done together. But what do I get? I actually am avoiding my 3 girl "friends" for her. Because in one of those girls she gets jealous, I actually liked the idea of avoiding them for her, but as soon as I know she can't avoid her bestfriend because she sees him as her "brother/family" well, they've been friends for so long, longer than our relationship.

What can I do? That's what she see's fair. She said she'd go home early, because we have an outing tomorrow with her college friends. I don't know actually how I ended up with this girl, it seems like that she's countering my idea of I want to make others happy, (I know it's biased for me to think that I want to make people happy) I make some people happy, but she just really knows how to bring me down. She likes to argue with me, I don't know what I should do about that, I always say sorry first, I always swallow my pride for her, I don't want her to be angry at me, I only want her to be happy. So, if her bestfriend can make her happy then I am most happy that someone is able to make her happy than me.

Message for her: If you see this, I'm sorry I can't be your "Bestfriend" although you said that I am yours, you even said that your bestfriend will always have a place for your heart, but I think that if we broke up, you can easily cover up the space we made together. I do hope one day, he makes you happy. I want you to be happy, but if your heart says that you really need to be with him, be with him. I am happy of having you, but I wouldn't think that you're going to be happy to be with me, I always make you mad, I always make you sad, I always ended up choking you up but I really wanted you to go on all the places you go to. I even cooperate with your friends because you said me to, you knew that I can't be with them because I am too young to understand your "Adult" friends. I just wanted you to know that I will make you happy with the best I can, I can't promise that we will be there for each other, because I can do things for you, as you can't do the same things for me. You get jealous of my friend, but I get jealous of yours, I stopped seeing her often because of you and I am happy that you can trust me. But, the stuff you did together with your bestfriend? He's always gonna be on your family, I'm sorry if one day I can't be a part of your family.