Going to the beach

Yes

after a long time studying and doing nothing but reading modules and stuff, I got a 2 month vacation! After june 4th let's say I was nervous about my grades a little bit. So now, I am happy that I got high marks in my final exams and the results of my final grades were awesome.

I actually told my mom about it, but damn, she only gave a thumbs up on messenger lol! Anyways, i've been planning this beach thing with the help of my girlfriend, actually right now she's with his bestfriend. The two of them together, I only knew they were the ones together when it was time for her to go home, sad to say I think I am always left alone. I'm glad that she's happy having his bestfriend around, she actually knows I get jealous because of the intimate stuff they have done together. But what do I get? I actually am avoiding my 3 girl "friends" for her. Because in one of those girls she gets jealous, I actually liked the idea of avoiding them for her, but as soon as I know she can't avoid her bestfriend because she sees him as her "brother/family" well, they've been friends for so long, longer than our relationship.

What can I do? That's what she see's fair. She said she'd go home early, because we have an outing tomorrow with her college friends. I don't know actually how I ended up with this girl, it seems like that she's countering my idea of I want to make others happy, (I know it's biased for me to think that I want to make people happy) I make some people happy, but she just really knows how to bring me down. She likes to argue with me, I don't know what I should do about that, I always say sorry first, I always swallow my pride for her, I don't want her to be angry at me, I only want her to be happy. So, if her bestfriend can make her happy then I am most happy that someone is able to make her happy than me.

Message for her: If you see this, I'm sorry I can't be your "Bestfriend" although you said that I am yours, you even said that your bestfriend will always have a place for your heart, but I think that if we broke up, you can easily cover up the space we made together. I do hope one day, he makes you happy. I want you to be happy, but if your heart says that you really need to be with him, be with him. I am happy of having you, but I wouldn't think that you're going to be happy to be with me, I always make you mad, I always make you sad, I always ended up choking you up but I really wanted you to go on all the places you go to. I even cooperate with your friends because you said me to, you knew that I can't be with them because I am too young to understand your "Adult" friends. I just wanted you to know that I will make you happy with the best I can, I can't promise that we will be there for each other, because I can do things for you, as you can't do the same things for me. You get jealous of my friend, but I get jealous of yours, I stopped seeing her often because of you and I am happy that you can trust me. But, the stuff you did together with your bestfriend? He's always gonna be on your family, I'm sorry if one day I can't be a part of your family.